You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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