I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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