my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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