the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
