distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
