Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
COCAINE IS GR8
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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