Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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