I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
