and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
