I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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