I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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