Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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