It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm like, not good at living.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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