We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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