before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
