Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize