I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
