I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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