I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
