I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
