sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
