And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
