can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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