I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
