Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize