porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
