HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
