suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
