I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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