fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
