Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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