you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
