matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
