I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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