but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
