woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
