you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
