mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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