drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
