are you still at the devil's house?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
