actually, I'm a sock model
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
