a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
