Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
