Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
