Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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