Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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