Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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