what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We need to rekindle our bromance
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
