so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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