morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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