I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
