Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
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