My liver just broke up with me...
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
