he wants to bone in the snuggie
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
