Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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