I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
