the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
