you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
