This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
