he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
