If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
