my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
