I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
