just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
