Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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