wanna go halves on a baby?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
