Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
it was like eating out sand paper
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
