k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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