he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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