Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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