You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
