I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
