and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he puts the penis in happiness.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I smell like Dick and happiness
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
