I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
