why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
