Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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