I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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