Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
