That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize