I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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