Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
