she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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