she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
