i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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