everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
