I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
