can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
