I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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