just come out here and I will go home with you...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
