I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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